I think a friend was trying, so carefully and kindly, to tell me that she was worried about my health. She was talking about herself and her own health— it wasn’t directed toward me at all. And maybe I’m being paranoid. I have been eating like a college kid. Cheap and easy cereal and soup and cookies and burritos. And liquor. Lots of liquor and wine and beer. 

It’s been on my mind to eat better. I know I feel better, physically and mentally, when I eat more green things and less packaged ‘n processed foods. I know that. But I’m also feeling torn. I’ve spent the past year reading a lot about HAES and the evils of dieting and I’m just at a loss. I want to eat healthy, and I need to find the time. And I don’t want to diet. I know that. But eating healthy, it’s something I like, but it also requires discipline and time. And the foods of healthy make me think of Weight Watchers. 

Some folks like to remind me that WW worked for me. Yes. Worked. I lost almost 80 pounds acting like a food nazi (and eating more processed food than ever—I would definitely pass up fruit in favor of a 2-pt. Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich). I didn’t go out with my friends. Just the thought of a happy hour stressed me out more than a dentist visit. All I thought about was food food and food. And APs. And Points. I was smaller but so stressed. I felt like a failure a lot. I weighed myself 3-4 times before leaving the house, and I weighed myself immediately upon returning home from work. IMMEDIATELY. 

That was really messed up. 

So now I have to figure out how to eat food in a non-messed up way. Viola.